Can We Really Bring Change to Our Lives?

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Every day, we’re bombarded with messages of how to change ourselves. Hair color commercials. Weight loss infomercials. Self-help books that will take you from struggle city to the top 1%. Parenting blogs about how to be a better parent. Cosmo articles on how to be a better lover. I’ve read it all and done it all. But guess what: I’m pretty much exactly where I started. And you probably are too. And I think this is why: You cannot change something or someone who is undefined.

You are you. And I’m…well, me. That is defined. But who you really are and who I really am…do we even have a clue? We spend so much time hiding our true selves from everyone around us…even those closest to us. Sometimes, we hide so much that we forget who we really are.

People have a difficult time changing because they don’t know who they are…or worse, they’re ashamed of who they are. So they hide, lie, & “I’m fine” their way through life. How can we expect ourselves or someone else to change when we aren’t honest about who we are or what we’re going through? It’s an impossible battle and one we’re never likely to win until we’re upfront about who we are – the good, the bad, the sassy, the sad, the joyful, the goofy, the anxious, the annoyed, the whatever.

Being honest is so rare. How often do you find yourself in a conversation holding back the one thing you really want to say? Or you get in the car and think, “I should’ve said this or that.” Or you find yourself complaining about your husband, your friend, or your boss to someone else instead of discussing the issue with the right person? I’m not advocating that you go out on the street and tell people that their hair looks terrible or call your boss up and tell her that she’s got a lot in common with dog poop. I am advocating that we spend more time being genuine in our interactions with people. I am advocating that we spend a little extra time digging a little deeper than “Yep. We sure do need the rain.” I am advocating that we open up to those around us.

It’s scary. It makes me a little anxious just thinking about it. But I think if we open up a little more, we’ll realize that we’re not the only ones struggling.

You’re not the only one who feels completely wiped out by this season of life.
You are not the only parent feeling overwhelmed.
You’re not the only single person looking at another failed relationship thinking, “Is it ever going to happen for me?”
You’re not the only person wishing for more out of life.

We can help each other. But we have to let each other in. We have to be ok with being the first to say, “Actually, this is what’s going on.” We have to be courageous.

Believe me. I’m not calling anyone out. If anything, I’m calling myself out and inviting y’all along for the ride. But seriously, how am I going to change when I’m not even really being me? I’m not.

I don’t need to change who I am. I need to actually be who I am.

I’m gonna do me, boo! All of me. How about you?

26 comments

  1. Shailyn Cotten says:

    I like that line of thinking. It’s hard to be genuine with yourself and with others, but when you’re coming at self-improvement from a perspective of “changing” yourself, its almost like implying there’s something “wrong” that needs to be changed. I really liked this post, got me thinking!

    • Sarah says:

      Changes in circumstances are inevitable. But legitimate changes internally, those are pretty difficult to come by, especially without embracing who we are. If only inner change was as easy, we’d be set. Thanks for stopping by, Lisa!

  2. Desteny says:

    I love the message! I’m gonna tweet this 🙂

    It seems like every time I’m honest, I end up pissing someone off :/
    I used to do it all the time! Now, since my daughter was born, it seems like I’ve mellowed out. It just isn’t worth it, so I avoid the conversations that I know will lead to my honesty angering people…
    I did do it just over a week ago, though. Told my parents how I truly felt regarding something that had happened years ago when it came up in conversation. Needless to say, I was the bad guy.

  3. Claudia says:

    Great post! Im going thru some major change sin my life including the fact that I am getting married in a month. Although I’m excited, its been quite overwhelming. So thanks for the tips! 🙂

  4. bee geller says:

    lovely post – it’s always so easy to get down on one’s self – I know I do it probably every single day – so always helps so much to hear from other people’s thoughts, to know you’re not ‘alone’ out there – 🙂 thanks so much for writing and sharing! xx bee

  5. Karen Grosz says:

    That is a great quote. To be who I am…not to wish away everything and try to change everything and that means the good and the not so good. Be me. Thanks for the inspiration

  6. Janeen says:

    There are things I am working on changing but it’s in the process of creating a better life for myself. Part of it is being more honest about who I am. Part of it is also focusing on those things I can change and being brave enough to change them. I have let fear hold me back from things I need to accomplish. A good example being that at almost 36, I still do not have my driver’s license. I have only ever had a permit. But yes, determining my values and being authentic is necessary because for too long, I’ve let people tell me who I need to be.

  7. Amber says:

    Love this because I feel like we all struggle with this! I think it’s so easy to get wrapped up in the idea that it’s ONLY you, when we’re all having similar experiences. I would love to read more of your thoughts on being genuine and authentic with other people! Subscribing to your blog.

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