The Fat Girl in Shorts Has a Confession

Bitchy but Bubbly

A little over a year ago, I started this blog as a creative outlet and a way to share some things I love and thought were important. Not long after I began, I wrote a post about being confident in your body – no matter what: Why It’s OK to be Fat & Wear Shorts. This post went pretty viral (I say pretty because I don’t know what constitutes viral but Huffington Post, Mamamia in Australia, & a newspaper in Belgium, among others, was definitely viral to me.) And it was SUPER exciting. I basically felt like Sally Field at the Oscars yelling, “You like me! Your REALLY like me!” Not that it really mattered. Although, I most definitely appreciated all the love. I was the fat girl who wore shorts and didn’t care what anyone else thought about it. That was me.

 

A few months ago, I began a weight loss journey that has been 35 years in the making. And although I plan to write more about that in the future, let’s just say that my decisions were not lightly made or hurriedly decided. This journey was something that I thought about for YEARS. And during the 35 years before I made the first step towards this new me, I was happy, healthy (surprise!), and confident. Being fat and being confident were not mutually exclusive. Being fat didn’t define me as a person.

And yet, I’ve felt like a fraud over the last few months because I’ve chosen to make a change. I’ve often struggled with feeling like a fraud. But this was something even more. I felt like everything I had written in the piece 12 months ago was a lie because if I really was that confident and fabulous, why would I have chosen to lose weight? If I was that comfortable with myself, why did I need to make a change?

I realized yesterday, as I sat in my car talking to my best friend Amanda, listening and watching the rain fall after a particularly heinous but needed workout with my trainer, one very important thing: Who I was yesterday or last week or last year is not who I am today. And that’s ok. It’s supposed to be like that. We live and learn and change and grow. It doesn’t mean that what I wrote last year wasn’t true. I was a badass then who chose to wear shorts because I wanted to. Because I choose to lose weight today doesn’t mean I wasn’t a badass then. It means I’m changing, just the way I’m supposed to. I’m doing what I want to do. And there’s nothing more badass than that. Or losing 43.6lbs.

So I’ve decided, I’m gonna write about it. I’m going to share. I am not ashamed. I’m not scared. I am not a fraud. I’m just me. I hope you understand.

xoxo,

Sarah

 

9 comments

  1. Joe Bossi says:

    Love the quote. You are right. It is not a bad thing.
    Good luck on your journey. It is a tough road. Take one day at a time. It is a lifetime journey. Just never give up. Always make it a work in progress. Love you, Uncle Joe

  2. kellynner says:

    I’ve lost about the same amount of weight and you’re right things are weird. It’s weird to change…for me from “traditional” plus-size to this more in-between sort of size…things change based on your weight and it’s easy to forget about the weirdness. And you’re goddamn right, everyone should wear shorts because it gets freaking hot outside!

  3. Nancy says:

    I can’t imagine anyone would fault you for growing and changing, doing it on your own terms, but I know what you mean. I’ve had problems heading back to my positivity blog because I felt like a fraud for blogging about being positive while battling depression. Good luck with your journey. You definitely inspire!

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